Deleting Social Media Didn't Fix My Attention
I thought I had a short attention span.
I deleted every social media app on my phone.
I thought if I removed the distraction.
I’d finally stop wasting my time.
And finally fix my short attention span.
I was wrong.
I’m bored after working for a few hours on my YouTube channel.
There is literally nothing else to do today.
I’ve deleted all social media.
I lay in bed and decide to watch some anime and movies.
Oh wow, this show is really interesting.
God I love watching movies.
Wait, how long has it been?
I glance over the time, 3 hours.
Alright let me go and do something else.
I have a nice piano, but maybe I will play it another day.
As I try to think of something. I open up the Safari browser on my Iphone.
I look up YouTube.
And wow, look at all these shorts.
Again, I’m procrastinating.
Even when I’ve deleted everything of my phone.
I would literally have to throw my phone into an ocean to stop myself, I think.
I’m in South Africa, talking to all the people I come across.
I’m reading a little bit every day, basking in the sunlight.
After the day is over I go on my phone and watch a few videos.
Then, on my vacation.
I end up breaking up with my girlfriend.
I lay in bed and wrestle with myself about what went wrong.
Crying for a long time.
That’s when I decide, I’ve been stuck for a long time.
The breakup made me question almost everything in my life.
Maybe because I was at my lowest point.
I could see where my life was headed if I didn’t change.
I will probably reach an ever lower point.
Something has to change.
So I gave myself a goal so big, it would force me to reorganize my life.
I’m sitting in the library back at home.
I’m reading my book, but slowly glance over every time a nice girl would pass by.
I’m so focused on looking like I’m reading, but I still wanted to see if maybe here was my soulmate.
Every 5 minutes I look up.
Wait, maybe she’s the one.
Back to the page, wait where was I?
Good lord, I now have to spend time going back where I was.
I’m still focusing on things I can’t predict yet.
After a few weeks, I enter the library again.
I sit down and make myself comfortable. And start reading.
God, I love reading.
Wow, this is really interesting.
Wait, how long has it been?
It’s been 2 hours? I just started reading.
I haven’t even looked up or cared about anything else for that time.
It feels exactly, like scrolling YouTube shorts.
Except now, I feel better afterwards.
Like everything is building towards something.
Today I have all the same apps on my phone.
I still watch movies.
I still scroll sometimes.
But I stop much sooner.
Not because I have more discipline.
Because I have somewhere more important I would rather put my attention.
Looking back, I don’t think I ever had a short attention span.
My attention simply followed whatever felt most meaningful.
When I finished my work for the day, my only goal was to pass time.
And YouTube Shorts, movies, and social media were really good at doing that.
But when I gave myself a bigger goal, something strange happened.
Reading.
Playing the piano.
Going to the gym.
They stopped feeling like chores.
They became the things I genuinely wanted to do, because they moved me closer to the person I wanted to become.
Social media didn’t become less addictive.
It just stopped being the most meaningful thing competing for my attention.
I still watch movies.
I still scroll sometimes.
But now I notice when I’m trying to escape instead of recover.
Because now I know what I’m moving toward.
So maybe the question isn’t:
How do I stop getting distracted?
Maybe it’s:
Do I have something meaningful enough. That distraction no longer feels like the best use of my attention?