I Never Talked About My Problems. It Was My Biggest Problem
People knew what I did. They didn’t know me.
I never talked about my problems.
I thought that made me strong.
It actually made me impossible to know.
People knew what I did. They didn’t know me.
I’m hanging out with my girlfriend.
We are constantly laughing and hugging each other.
I thought she knew everything about me.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
But then, problems start to arise…
She starts talking about her problems to me, and I’m listening closely.
I really pick up everything about her problems…
But after doing that for a few weeks, she tells me…
Alex, I have no idea what you’re thinking. It’s almost like I’m talking to a stone wall.
I’m shocked, not angry or anything. But I don’t know what she means…
…
Then she goes on to explain…
It’s like life for you is all positive and butterflies, like you don’t have any problems.
…
Alex, we are together…
but sometimes I just feel so alone…
I still don’t understand…
But I tell her…
I don’t really understand what you mean.
But I’ll do my best to understand.
…
All my life, I didn’t think I needed to talk about my problems.
I thought my problems weren’t important enough to mention.
So I listened.
Everyone talked.
I stayed quiet.
I didn’t realize communication isn’t just listening.
It’s letting other people know you too.
My mother tells me about her problems at work…
My sister tells me about problems at school…
My father tells me about his problems with life…
I just enjoy listening to them. I don’t say anything most of the time, I try to give advice when I can but…
I genuinely believed I had nothing worth saying.
From the outside, life looked perfect.
I had financial freedom.
A successful YouTube channel.
A loving relationship.
So who was I to complain?
Yes I stress about problems with the bank.
Worry about the future…
About starting and managing the business…
Not knowing what videos to make sometimes and getting burnt out…
…
I convinced myself they weren't worth talking about.
So I keep everything to myself. I think I’m being mature that way.
People thought I was almost perfect…
Just a positive guy with a great business and life…
But I can only talk about the positive… and only listen to their negatives.
When they genuinely ask me how business or life is going…
How’s your business going?
It’s good, yeah.
Nice.
Or
How’s life, you've been good?
I’ve been okay.
that’s good to hear…
…
And the conversation ends there. Every conversation couldn’t go deep.
I never thought this was an issue, it didn’t even occur to me that this was an issue in my life.
…
I wasn't protecting people from my problems.
…
I was protecting myself from being seen.
I’m sick with a runny nose…
I can barely move in my bed...
And I’m coughing…
For the first time, I decide to call my girlfriend and tell her this…
I told her I wasn’t okay, and that I will just rest up.
…
I thought it was just an ordinary thing what I did.
…
But she genuinely asked how I was…
what medicine I’m taking…
and if she can help…
I always thought telling people my problems would burden them.
Instead, it gave them a chance to care.
She didn’t think less of me.
She simply cared.
I’m sitting in the car with my girlfriend…
And I tell her a story about the exact reason as to why I didn’t open up, or why I was never open as a person.
And why I think I felt like a stone wall…
I told her the story that I had spent years avoiding.
Yet, that time might have been the most impactful and positive experience for the relationship.
…
Now when someone tells me about their struggles...
I don’t just listen.
I tell them about mine too.
Not to complain.
But so they know they’re not alone.
Years later...
I finally understood what she meant.
People don’t connect through perfection.
They connect through honesty.
The day I stopped hiding my problems wasn’t the day my problems disappeared.
It was the day I finally let people know who I was.
She once told me,
Be more vulnerable.
I thought she wanted me to complain more.
She didn’t.
She just didn’t want to feel alone anymore.