I Thought Being Different Was Bad
Everyone was different. I just couldn't see it.
I used to distance myself from people because I thought I was weird.
Looking back...
I probably was.
But the only person who believed being different was a bad thing...
was me.
everyone around me was choosing high schools.
Visiting campuses.
Talking about classes.
Making plans together.
I was the only one staying home to build a YouTube channel.
I’m thinking,
Why shouldn’t I just do what everyone else is doing?
My life seems so uncertain, to skip a year and try a business.
They all looked so certain.
So coordinated.
Like they were following a path everyone understood.
Mine only made sense to me.
…
Maybe I’m just different.
I try to talk to classmates…
But I mess up my speech..
My thoughts would outrun my words.
And sometimes I just distance myself.
The more isolated I am, the less I talk to people…
The less I show my negative sides.
…
My best friends always called me weird.
I used to want to wrestle with them everyday.
I would say things that were so different, it was almost funny.
And I would constantly try to get attention.
Every time I was told I was weird…
I tried to behave normal for a few hours.
But I just couldn’t…
As I’m working on my YouTube gaming business…
I work as hard as I can.
Studying relentlessly…
I refused to give up unless someone physically stole my PC.
…
While everyone else was studying for exams...
I was spending twelve hours a day learning YouTube.
While everyone else wanted to fit in...
I was becoming obsessed with building something.
While everyone else wanted certainty...
I was willing to gamble years on an impossible goal.
I thought everyone else was normal because I could only see the parts of themselves they showed the world.
I could see every part of myself.
The fears.
The awkwardness.
The ambition.
The obsession.
The loneliness.
I wasn’t comparing myself to other people.
I was comparing everything I knew about myself...
to almost nothing I knew about them.
Of course I felt different.
Everyone was different.
I had just trained myself to notice the differences that made me feel inferior...
and ignore the ones that made me valuable.
Being different was never the problem. Believing it made me less was.