I Thought Everyone Was Watching Me. They Weren’t
I was watching myself. Just like everyone else
I thought everyone was watching me.
Looking back...
They weren’t.
They were watching themselves.
Every time I talked to someone...
All I could think about was myself.
I don’t know what to say.
I wonder if they think I’m ugly.
Did I say something weird?
And then hours later, I’m still thinking about them.
I’m replaying the conversation in my head.
They must be too.
Every time I walked through school...
I wondered what people thought of me.
If someone looked at me...
I thought something was wrong.
I lived as if everyone was watching.
Then I started noticing…
After talking to me.
They go back to their phones.
They talk about their families.
Their problems.
About what they struggle with themselves.
I wasn’t living in their minds.
I was living in my own.
I’m at the airport. I’m about to fly home with my sister alone from vacation.
Even though I thought I was confident...
I was incredibly nervous.
My mind was racing.
As we were lining up for passport control...
I go and stand there, but then this woman comes up to me.
I’m thinking,
Ah she must be saying something nice.
I honestly don’t even remember what she said.
…
Then another guy comes up and said clearly.
What do you think you’re doing, you’re cutting in line!
What is wrong with you?!
And then I immediately apologized.
I’m so sorry.
It’s my fault
He looks at me up and down with discontent and walks in front.
I take my sister to the back of the line.
I realize that I had mixed up the queue.
It was completely my fault.
I was so inside my own head.
that I stood in the wrong line.
Now everyone is thinking about me.
Great.
Now everyone thinks I’m an idiot.
I’ll remember this forever.
…
A few minutes later, the people who complained to me.
They are talking with their travel mates.
Looking down on their phones.
Laughing with their mates.
…
They’re not even looking at me, I’m right behind them.
Why aren’t they thinking about me?
Aren’t they concerned with me?
I just made a big mistake.
What I did has been done, and I’m just going to make sure me and my sister get home safely.
Instead, I forgive myself and I stop thinking about it for a minute.
The moment had ended for them.
I was the one keeping it alive.
I thought everyone was watching me.
Looking back...
They weren’t watching me.
They were living their own lives.
And I finally started living mine.