I Thought I Needed Another Relationship. I Needed to Find Myself

Looking back, I needed another relationship with myself.

When my first relationship ended...

I thought the only thing that could heal me was another one.

I couldn’t imagine being happy alone.

For days, I cried.

I replayed every conversation in my head.

I tried to find a way to undo something that was already over.

Looking back...

I wasn’t grieving the relationship.

I was grieving the version of myself that had depended on it.

The morning after the breakup...

I walked along the beach in South Africa.

I felt completely empty.

At one point I sat down, trying to hide my tears.

A small cat wandered over and brushed against my leg before continuing toward the ocean.

For a moment...

nothing changed.

But somehow it reminded me that life hadn’t stopped.

Only my idea of it had.

When I got home, I made a plan.

I decided I needed another girlfriend.

Surely that would make me happy again.

Then I had another thought.

If I became successful...

maybe finding someone would become easier.

So I decided to become the person I thought that future required.

At first...

I wasn’t doing it for myself.

I’d sit in the library reading books.

Part of me still hoped I’d meet someone there.

Every time the door opened...

I’d look up.

Then one day...

I realized I’d stopped looking.

Not because someone had walked in.

Because I’d become absorbed in what I was learning.

For the first time...

I wasn’t trying to find another person.

I was discovering another version of myself.

That changed everything.

I started reading because I loved learning.

Working because I enjoyed growing.

Walking because I liked thinking.

Slowly...

the emptiness disappeared.

Not because someone filled it.

Because I did.

Looking back

I still hope to fall in love again one day.

But I no longer need a relationship to feel complete.

The strange thing is...

I think that makes me more capable of loving someone than I ever was before.

For years I thought love meant finding the right person.

Now I think it begins much earlier.

It begins when you build a life you no longer need someone else to rescue you from.

Sometimes the person you’re searching for isn’t another partner.

Sometimes...

it’s the version of yourself you’ve never met before.