I Thought I Was Behind. I Was Exactly Where I Needed To Be
Maybe I was measuring my life with someone else's ruler.
I was a year older than everyone else in high school.
Every day, it felt like I’d started life late.
Then I started YouTube.
Teenagers were becoming millionaires while my gaming channel barely moved.
Years later, I retired my mother.
And somehow…
I still felt behind.
Looking back, I don’t think I was behind at all.
I think I was measuring my life with the wrong ruler.
Everyone is deciding where they will go for high school.
I’m just deciding how I am supposed to retire my mother, who would come home from work with swollen knees and feet.
I promised my mother at 12 I would become a millionaire, as I’m taking her jacket of her exhausted body.
I’m pretty good at video games, so maybe if I make Gaming YouTube videos. That will make my mother free.
I talk to my father and decide to take one year off before going to high school. Just so I can work on my YouTube channel and see if this actually can work.
He says.
Go for it, son.
The summer passes by.
I refresh my analytics.
Still only a few thousand views a month
Maybe I chose the wrong dream.
I should’ve picked a better business, or maybe just stayed in school. Now I’ve wasted one year and my mother’s freedom has been delayed.
Only after almost one year of doing YouTube. Do I earn my first $1000.
At this point though, high school is almost beginning. It’s too late to continue YouTube.
I’m walking into high school and immediately I ask myself
Why am I here?
I could be working on my business and keep on growing it. I’ve found a very good format for the channel and it’s going to bring in $2000 this month.
However as I’m trying to do my school work and YouTube. I’m working almost 14 hour days. Especially on the weekend, trying to balance out everything.
But as the channel is growing, I get a D on my test.
I feel so behind, how can I do so bad in high school? I at least got a C or B in primary school.
I’m thinking of giving up the YouTube channel, because I’m getting sharp wrist pain from working to much.
Trying to sleep but I’m worrying if I’m doing this all right.
After a few months of High School. My YouTube channel performance starts to dip, I’m getting burnt out trying to do both at the same time.
Now I start to compare myself to my classmates, I am one year older than them.
Now with the channel dying, I definitively am behind.
I’m watching this funny kid the same age as me, he is growing rapidly on YouTube.
As I’m trying to hold on and fight for my mother, I see him exploding quickly.
His name is IShowSpeed.
And all of the sudden he is doing way better than me.
So he must be a millionare now.
I open YouTube, see IShowSpeed video with millions of views.
I open up my analytics, only a few thousands.
Same age.
I start to shake as I realize, my YouTube and high school career are just behind.
Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I talk to my parents and my teachers.
And I decide that I should drop out of High School.
What I really want was freedom for my mother.
So I didn’t care about school or other people.
I’m leaving school and I now decide to just focus for years on this one thing.
My mother comes home from work, and me and my father are waiting to tell her.
That she really doesn’t have to work anymore.
Are you serious?!
The smile on her face is the best thing I have ever seen in my life.
She comes to hug me and tells me how proud she is.
And all of the sudden, what I have been working on for years.
Is the only thing I’m measuring at this moment.
Looking back, I wasn’t behind
I was measuring my life with someone else’s ruler
Their fame.
Their achievements.
Their subscribers.
I only compared the good of others and never the bad.
I was comparing myself with the wrong ruler.
I should’ve measured my life only against my own.
Was I moving toward the life I actually wanted?
So ask yourself.
Are you actually behind? Or are you measuring your life with the wrong ruler?
Retiring my mother didn’t stop me comparing myself.
I still compare myself today.
The difference is...
I no longer use comparison to decide my worth.