I Thought I Was Ugly. But It Wasn’t My Face
I thought I was seeing my face. I was seeing a story.
I’m asking this girl out and she’s like.
Sorry, I’m not really interested.
Of course I respectfully smile and say.
Oh no problem
But inside for a long time, I’ve rejected myself. I’m thinking, why am I never having any success with dating apps or my crushes?
But maybe, It wasn’t my face that needed to be fixed.
I’m being dragged into a bush by a very cute girl and we end up kissing.
As a child I was the cutest and most popular kid ever.
At around six years old I had already gotten around seven girlfriends.
And already had my first kiss. So I always thought I was the most handsome boy ever.
However as I keep on growing up, my classmates keep on getting taller, bigger and more mature.
And I’m still in the soprano group singing with the girls.
Shortest kid in the class as a teenager. And I somehow get envious of my best friends.
Everyone is getting their first girlfriends. And I’m trying to get my first chance at even talking to a girl.
Maybe I just have to wait until I’m a proper adult so I’m all grown up and mature. Then I’ll finally get a girlfriend.
I’m asking this girl out I’ve had a crush on for a long time. School is almost over so I gotta try.
Of course, she tells me that she doesn’t really see me that way.
But at that point I have finally confirmed to myself that I will be alone for a long time.
I’m just going to finish school and never talk to girls again. Let me just be alone.
As I’m graduating, I delete all social media and all my friends contact. I told myself it was for the business I was starting. But in reality, I didn’t ever want to get rejected again.
After a few years, I’m basically only indoors. Like a vampire.
Only going out occasionally to go to the gym, where I’m glancing over the cute girl. Thinking I’m incapable of ever having someone like her.
I eventually start consuming black pill content. Where looks are deemed most important and if you’re already struggling in looks. You will have a very hard time in social relationships.
After weeks of consuming this, it’s the only thing I can think about.
I’m drinking milk all the time, to grow taller.
I’m taking pictures of my jaw, maybe mewing will work.
I’m using special skincare. That will make me more attractive.
Constantly checking my face. Taking pictures.
Maybe a better angle, a different perspective will make me look more beautiful.
My mother keeps telling me I’m the most handsome boy ever. Is she still seeing the young kid I used to be?
Eventually I want confirmation. But maybe there’s a chance I’m not really that ugly.
There is this YouTuber who rates faces, if I can pay him to rate my face. Maybe it’s all just in my head after all.
So I decide to pay, and just go on with my day.
A few days later. I get an email as I’m on the toilet.
I glance over the top of the header and there in big text.
4/10
It feels like all my blood is leaving my brain. I’m actually never going to have a normal life.
I quickly glance over the positives and equal negatives. I will need surgery to fix this, maybe I can reach a point of six.
But it didn’t matter, my whole life I was right. I’m just simply ugly so now I know that I got rejected because of that.
I’m never going to have a girlfriend. Never going to have that young love that people talk about. Will it take 10, 20, 30 years?
Maybe I will be a virgin my whole life.
I’m scrolling on this dating app. Find a very pretty lady and just hope for the best.
A few days later, we are absolutely hitting it off.
But I am skeptical, many girls I’ve talked to here haven’t worked out.
However we actually got together. And for the first time, I finally felt really happy.
But I’m wondering, how come such a beautiful girl is with me? I’m way below her league.
I wasn’t thinking about my looks anymore. I just focused on connecting with her, and trying my best to be a great boyfriend.
However we break up. And as I’m crying in bed for a few days, wondering what went wrong. I instead decide on changing my life.
I was stuck for a while in my life, I want to become a millionaire. Then it will be easier to get into another relationship.
I get up from my bed, I start reading, and start to study wealth, happiness and humans.
I’m walking into this photo shot with my best friend. We say hello to this photographer. I want to get some pictures for my brand.
I’m actually cooking, there’s no AC in the building. But I’m taking pictures.
I’m actually having such a good time. And I’m just being completely natural. Not really trying in the pictures.
I somehow feel like I’m so good looking. I have a great smile from having taken off braces recently.
And the photographer tells me and my friends.
Yeah, you two really look like models.
I’m showing my sister and mother these pictures.
I laugh so much because the only thing I hear is.
Wow, Alex. You look like a Ralph Lauren model. So handsome.
And for the second time. I agree. There are some pictures there even I fall in love with.
Looking back...
I never actually knew what I looked like.
Every rejection.
Every comparison.
Every face rating.
Became another piece of evidence for a story I’d already decided was true.
It wasn’t my face.
It was the story I kept proving to myself.
So if you think you’re “ugly”. Ask yourself.
Am I ugly because someone told me I am? Or because I have painfully mistaken a few experiences for who I am?
Now, someone could genuinely tell me I’m a 4/10 today.
But I won’t be affected. Because I know my worth. And our looks are something that is almost impossible to change.
Now I walk confidently everywhere. Talk with a smile to random people.
And generally focus on the areas that I can improve.