I Thought I Had to Solve My Problems to Be Happy
Looking back, I had to change my relationship with them instead.
A year ago, I believed that happiness came after solving my problems.
If I could just fix one more thing...
I’d finally relax.
Then another problem appeared.
And another.
Looking back...
I wasn’t postponing my problems.
I was postponing my life.
It started with a barbecue.
One evening, I was grilling with my family.
Fat dripped onto the flames.
A huge fire suddenly burst up.
I froze.
I knew exactly what I needed to do.
Turn off the gas.
Grab the fire blanket.
Instead...
I stood there doing nothing.
My father calmly stepped in and handled it.
Afterward, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Why had I frozen?
A few years later...
...life gave me something much harder than a barbecue.
I was in South Africa when everything started falling apart.
My first relationship ended.
At the same time, I was trying to buy my house.
The paperwork became a nightmare.
The bank needed more documents.
Forms had been filled out incorrectly.
Everything seemed to go wrong at once.
Instead of enjoying one of the most beautiful places I’d ever visited...
I spent the entire holiday living inside my own head.
I kept thinking,
Once I solve this...
Then I’ll enjoy my life.
Eventually...
The paperwork was finished.
The money arrived.
Everything worked out.
For a moment...
I felt incredible.
Then something unexpected happened.
Life gave me another problem.
My father had a serious accident.
I heard shouting upstairs.
My sister was crying.
When I saw what had happened...
Something surprised me.
I didn’t panic.
I called emergency services.
I stayed calm.
I focused on what needed to happen next.
Later I asked myself...
Why hadn’t I frozen this time?
That’s when I understood.
The problems hadn’t changed.
I had.
The younger version of me believed problems were something to fear.
The newer version understood they were simply something to solve.
Not every problem could be fixed immediately.
But every problem could be faced.
Looking back
I used to think life would begin after everything was under control.
Now I don’t think that day ever comes.
There will always be another difficult conversation.
Another unexpected bill.
Another mistake.
Another loss.
Peace doesn’t come from having fewer problems.
It comes from becoming someone who knows how to carry them.
For years I waited for life to become easier.
What actually happened...
was that I became stronger.