My Parents Had a Divorce. I Thought My Life Was Over
The divorce was just the break I could finally see.
My parents told me they were getting divorced.
I remember crying for hours because I thought my life was over.
When my parents got divorced, I thought my family had just broken apart.
Looking back, I don’t think that’s what happened at all.
My parents are like angels to me.
They’re the best people I know.
I smile all the time.
I think everything is perfect.
But I had forgotten that they had a lot of arguments when I was younger.
I’m fourteen now.
Something feels different.
The house is quieter.
Conversations end faster.
Even when nobody is arguing, it feels like everyone is trying not to.
The silence is louder than when they’re actually talking.
I don’t know what’s wrong.
I just know that something feels different.
Then they laugh together.
They kiss.
And I think...
Things are great.
…
I know something is wrong, I just can’t put my words into it.
They have split up before, but they are still married.
I think this time things will be better.
No arguments have happened recently.
I will focus on my life and on school.
One day, my parents talk to me and my sister and tell us the news…
They have decided to have a divorce…
My father is moving out…
But my father moving out wasn’t the worst part.
The thing I’ve been trying not to believe...
is real.
…
I end up crying for hours…
Wondering how my life is going to go…
What will I do without my parents being together?
…
I keep wondering if I did something wrong.
Maybe if I’d behaved better.
Maybe if I’d caused fewer problems.
Maybe if I’d gotten better grades.
Maybe if I’d listened more.
Maybe they’d still be together.
My mother tells me it isn’t my fault.
But I don’t understand.
If they stayed together because of me...
then why wasn’t I enough to keep them together?
I’m still shocked...
even though part of me has been expecting it for years.
Years pass.
I keep thinking my parents divorced in one afternoon.
Looking back...
I don’t think they did.
I think they divorced a little every day.
Every argument.
Every silent dinner.
Every conversation that never happened.
The papers just made it official.
…
Every time they smiled at each other.
I could sense it wasn’t real.
…
After every argument, I thought it would always be the last one.
But the arguments were basically the only time they really talked.
…
They always tried to stay together, because they knew exactly how the divorce would affect me and my sister.
Looking back, I think they were trying to hold together something that had already fallen apart.
They stayed together because they thought it was best for me and my sister.
Looking back, I understand why.
But I also understand why they couldn’t keep doing it forever.
Today, they both seem more at peace than they ever did together.
The divorce wasn’t the beginning of my parents falling apart.
It was the end of pretending they hadn’t already.
I thought the divorce broke my family.
Years later, I realized...
it stopped breaking it.